Monday, February 13th, 2012
ShareThisLadies and gentlemen, it is Valentine’s Day, and odds are good you need things to do.
Now, I know a lot of you don’t like Valentine’s Day. It’s probably the most divisive holiday. Everyone has that friend that whines about how terrible the holiday is and how it’s only for companies to make money (for reference, that’s every holiday).
If you already have love, like, or mutual attraction with someone else, fantastic. Go out and celebrate, which for us college students means a delightful trip to the Olive Garden for their cheapest menu items. I remember being so poor when I met my girlfriend I could only afford a fortune cookie.
This part of my article is for the rest of you, the brave few that march toward Valentine’s Day without a special someone to have, hold, and buy shiny trinkets for. This is the pep talk you’ve been waiting for, that’s going to kick you right in the pants and motivate you to have fun this holiday night.
The following is a list of fun activities you should do if you happen to be single and actually want an entertaining day:
1. Avoid dating websites around romantic holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and New Year’s.
EHarmony contains lonely cat people masquerading as cuddle bunnies, Match.com features eHarmony rejects and the finest of Jerry Springer’s guests search for love on Craigslist.
2. Consider going outside. That’s where the people are.
3. Hanging out with friends is awesome. Just because you’re not going to get some doesn’t mean you all can’t go out and have a good time.
Mock a bad movie. Go hit on people together. Companionship is good, even if it’s only in the company of friends.
Obeying these three things will allow you to have an awesome time on Valentine’s Day, even if you’re single.
But fellows and ladies, what if you have a date?
How do you make a good first impression and, as a result, ensure that your special friend comes back? I’m glad you asked, because these three tips are for you:
1. Do not use Valentine’s Day to take your relationship to the next level.
Do not propose and do not ask him or her to move in. This places unnecessary pressure on an evening that celebrates love and chocolate.
The furthest your relationship needs to advance on Valentine’s Day is a decision on whether you should dance foolishly.
2. Chicks love men that can cook. On a completely related note, ladies, we love when you cook for us. Compromise and make meals for each other. Ramen likely won’t cut it, so consult the Internet for cooking tips.
3. Don’t go see a romance movie. It’s so cliché. See a horror movie instead, especially if you’re a lady with a man who’s afraid of ghosts. I imagine that is hilarious.
Finally, you might notice several of those pieces of advice leaned toward helping out men. In all fairness, we need more advice, but I never want to be viewed as sexist, so here’s some advice for the ladies:
1. Your gift is going to be better. Just accept it. We don’t really understand what you want on this day beyond what the commercials told us. We sort of just buy the shiniest container filled with chocolate because we know you like that and we’re easily distracted by bright things.
It was also right next to the Milk Duds and convenient to find.
