Students reach out

University student Neal Clarke, 18, began to experience homosexual tendencies when he was in 6th grade.

“By 7th grade I kind of accepted it in myself and was kind of like, ‘Okay this is who I am and I’ve got to come to terms with this before anybody else,’” he said.

Clarke said he was coming out to his family and friends by 8th grade.

“I’m not a person who can live in the shadows and I never could be,” he said. “If I were ever placed in a situation where I couldn’t just be myself, then I don’t know how I would handle it. That’s just not me.”

He said coming out to his father was the biggest hurdle he faced, although he said he father was very accepting.
His dad was the first person to find out about Clarke’s homosexuality.

“My dad actually asked me one night, ‘Son, are you gay?’ I said, ‘I think so, Dad.’ It was me and him in the truck,” he said. “He was just like ‘You’re my son and I still love you the same as I did five minutes ago. I just learned something new about you.’”

He said his mom and sister were not as accepting at first.

He said his mom “freaked out.” However, he said he believes it was more out of shock then anything else. His sister, who is a graduate student at the University, also was shocked, but became accepting, he said.

“My sister at first, she resented the fact that I was gay just because she didn’t want me to go through any kind of hardship in life,” Clarke said.

He had his first openly gay relationship his freshman year of high school, and he said it was the buzz of the school.

Clarke said one of the toughest things he encountered in the relationship was the fact his significant other had not told anyone about his homosexuality.

“He was definitely afraid of people judging him and obviously I’m a polar opposite, so it was really difficult to be in that relationship because he didn’t want people to know. We had to do this whole secret love thing and it was stupid,” he said. “Honestly, it was hard to be in a relationship when you can’t hug them or even talk to them in the hallways and stuff.”

Students who experience frequent verbal harassment because of their sexual orientation are less likely than other students to plan to attend college.

More than 13 percent of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students who report verbal harassment do not intend to go to college, which is twice the amount of those who rarely or do not report verbal harassment, according to Youth Pride Inc.

Since arriving at the University, Clarke joined a fraternity, Pi Kappa Phi, which he believes has been monumental in his life thus far.

He said the experience has helped him reconcile with his faith, which he did not believe he would turn back to, and allowed him to make friends within his fraternity.

Clarke said he has met quite a few friends at the University who still have not been open about their homosexuality. He said it’s sad to him to see people living in fear of judgment.

“I could care less about people’s opinions, but for someone who does care about what other people think, it just sucks for them to be in that position because I feel like they are never going to be honest with themselves,” he said.

Previous to coming out with his homosexuality, Clarke said he faced a lot of depression. He said it was “torment” before he told anyone.

“I would never go back and I would never live in the shadow again,” he said. “If my parents wouldn’t have found out, I don’t really know how I would have handled high school, because I was a person who already struggled with depression and the fact that I was gay on top of that would have made it so much worse.”

Gay and lesbian youth are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual young people, and as many as one in three will attempt suicide, according to studies.

Clarke said growing up in the apostolic church was tough because he believes it is a very strict religion because it placed a negative bias in Christianity.

He said he knows violence against homosexuals is real and he remains aware, although he has not faced any physical harm.

In one study, more than 40 percent of self-identified gay and lesbian young people reported violence at the hands of families, peers, or strangers.

Unlike Clarke’s new entry to college, some homosexual students have been in college for a while and have learned to function within the confines of the culture.

Senior art major Madison Payne said she realized she was gay in her early teens, but did not say anything until her senior year of high school.

Madison Payne and friend Kayla Anderson embrace on a night out. Payne said although she sometimes experiences discrimination, it does not stop her from living her life proudly.

“I didn’t say anything because we are in a community where it’s not typically accepted,” she said.

When She turned 18, she made the choice to tell her family and friends, and she said all of her close friends were okay with it.

“I was fortunate because as you know, not everybody has the same story like that,” she said.

Payne said there is larger homosexual community in East Texas then people realize, although it is seemingly underground.

“If you know one person that’s gay, then you realize, ‘Oh gosh, there’s like hundreds.’ But you got to find one to find the rest of them,” she said.

Although she has not experienced severe judgment, Payne said she has faced some demeaning comments.

“I’ve had people ask me what it feels like to know I’m going to hell,” Payne said.

She said she believes East Texas is growing increasingly accepting, despite the strong religious roots.

Payne said people who are against homosexuality are usually strong willed and that it is difficult to change their minds.
“We are put on this earth to love and (the) purpose in life is to love and to be loved. Who are you to criticize my lifestyle if I have found somebody that I love with all my heart?” she said. “In this day and age it’s hard enough to find that at all.”

She said she supports gay marriage, which she believes many people are against because they say it ruins the sanctity of marriage.

“You have these gay couples that have been together for many, many years and you’re telling me whenever the day comes and they are older and on their death bed they legally can’t be by their partners side whenever they die?” she said. “When someone truly loves somebody and they want to make that known, then who are you to say they can’t do that?”

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