Christmas gets better with age

Well, you made it. For a lot of you, this was the successful completion of your first semester away at college.

Along the way, I’m sure that you discovered new ways books can torture and doubtlessly discovered some professor who seemed to conspire to make your life miserable, but none of that matters. In a few days, you’ll be whisked away to your real homes and the family you gleefully left to come to college. Wonderful, right?

Actually, it isn’t. For a lot of you, you’ll be celebrating your first official Christmas as an adult, as a functioning member of society and not a drooling pile of dependency that your parents were obliged to drag around with them to social functions.

Because many people panic when dealing with adulthood, I have compiled some tips to help you survive back in your native habitats over the break.

For starters, you must know that absolutely no one wants to play Call of Duty at 4 a.m.

For many of you, life this semester was based around your Xbox. When you were forced to sit down and decide between studying and video games, the resulting agony was unbearable.

Many of you have not had this freedom to play video games late at night.

I certainly never did. When I got to college I was playing an insane amount of video games. Sure, I always made sure to study, but the end result was when I got back for my first big semester break I was playing very late at night, something my parents objected to due to their love of going to sleep at a reasonable hour.

At the time, I couldn’t really appreciate the life lesson that I was being taught, I just wanted to play some games.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that I no longer have interest in playing video games all night, or at least not without preparing.

The reason for this has to do with some adult-related things such as your career and, more importantly, your friends’ careers.

I remember when my best friend and I used to hang out every day, go to the mall, see movies and make fun of people.

Now we both have jobs, we live in different cities and we have lives outside of hanging out. We still do, every chance we have, but responsibility begins playing an important part of your life as you grow up, because nobody likes a slacker.

The side effect of playing these games late at night was that I always ended up really sleepy in the morning. So much so, that there would be days when I wouldn’t get up until after noon. My parents hated this, and it’s hard to blame them for it. To them, me getting up at noon was different now that I was an adult because I had responsibilities.

The big difference between a kid and an adult is that a kid isn’t held responsible for their lethargy, something that changes the moment you turn eighteen.

Suddenly you’re just a lazy adult that won’t get out of bed, which means you won’t get a regular job, which means you won’t leave the house when you graduate. That big fancy degree they just blew money on is useless because you don’t need a degree to eat all the nachos in sight.

Again, take me for example. I was incredibly coddled during my undergraduate career, and as a result I’ve had to exert extra effort to catch up with my friends.

As you get older, your friends won’t care for your slacking either, because they actually went out and did something with their lives. To put it another way, there was a reason Will Ferrell didn’t have any friends in the movie Step Brothers. Who wants to hang out with a guy who can’t even open the door without his mom around?

Which brings me to my next point: Santa Claus isn’t real.

I realize that I just blew someone’s mind out there, but if you’re in college and you haven’t figured this out yet, you really need to reevaluate the educational system that failed you somewhere down the road.

For the rest of you not mourning the loss of Santa, Christmas can sometimes feel a little sad and lonely, as the loss of innocence from your childhood inevitably makes this time of the year less magical, but it doesn’t have to be.

Sure, you might not get as many presents as you did as a child, but last year I discovered a rather interesting phenomena about Christmas I’d like to share with you.

When you’re an adult, Christmas isn’t about you anymore.

Adult readers that have children already know this, but that desire for gifts eventually gets supplemented by an even better desire to bestow gifts on your loved ones.

Now, I literally hunt down gifts I think my family will love, not because I expect equally amazing things in return, but because I genuinely want them to be excited and happy on Christmas morning. I even open my presents last, because for me giving has supplemented receiving as the best thing about this holiday.

The best thing about the holidays, besides your traditional stampede at Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve, is that you’re finally an adult. No longer consigned to the children’s table, you are free to celebrate with your family and get stone cold drunk.

Rudolph will never be as funny as he is after your 15th beer.