Stop the Shenanigans Miley

Dear Miley Cyrus,

I know you are young and hyper, but try and put your attention deficit disorder aside and listen up. I understand you are the coolest thing out there right now for kids and tweens. You have a Disney Channel show called “Hannah Montana” that so far has 54 episodes with more than another 30 in the works.

You also have a worldwide concert tour going on, which in itself is huge news. You are so popular, people line up at box offices for tickets to get them early, only to find out that the show sold out in minutes and scalpers are now selling the tickets at 300 0.000000ace value.

Now, on top of your merchandise, and your legions of screaming girls, your dad is Billy Ray Cyrus, country star one-hit-wonder of the early 1990s.

You have been parading around the world’s teen scene like Kim Jong-Il at his national birthday party. We are ready and waiting for you to start your downward spiral to oblivion and join all of our other favorite teen stars like Lindsey Lohan, and Britney Spears.

Your biggest screw-ups so far have not been bad, but questionable none the less. Vanity Fair photo shoot.

HOW. DARE. YOU. Beside the fact you are under 18, you lost thousands of fans for this shoot mainly due to angry soccer moms. The sultry (what you called artsy) pictures were published in Vanity Fair, a magazine most tweens would have never seen if they were not ran across national on-air news outlets. This mistake has mainly been forgotten by the passage of time, and then others forgot because Clay Aiken came out of the closet. (Just to clear anything up, the photo that caused the ruckus pictured Miley covered with a blanket exposing her back. The image on the next page that got almost no attention was Miley laying on her fathers crotch, and it was not in a father/daughter way either.

TWO TEEN QUEENS

It is a fact of life now that children are able to use computers, even more so that one of them snuck a camera into your concert to film you using a stunt double in one of your songs. You released a sketchy press release to the public basically saying you did use a stunt double because of time constraints. Shame on you, those tweens are not getting their $300 ticket worth.

PERSONAL LIFE

The world is hungry for your next screw up. You have kept your personal life out of the media for the most part (except for a few released candids) and you have not pulled a Vanessa Hudgens yet, so kudos to you. No matter what you say, you are no different than any other teen star. Hitler thought his plan to storm the Russian front in WWII was different than Napoleons 1812 idea of a Russian Campaign. Guess what? It was the SAME IDEA. Both armies got there and realized … it was COLD. Either you are a one-hit-wonder like your dad and will disappear after your Disney contract is up, or you will turn into a Paris Hilton protégé. I personally hope the media overuses you so much you flare out within a few years.